Thursday, November 16, 2006

Memories of Christmas 1976

I can so relate to my grandmother who lost her son in 1976. My uncle was 42 and he died a couple of weeks before Christmas -- I was 12. My Mamom was the greatest person -- we always went to her house for Christmas eve -- it was so much fun -- but Christmas 1976 was different. She was so sad and really did not want to celebrate. At 12 I just did not understand -- but now I do -- I just cannot imagine what Christmas will be like -- no one gets this pain that a mom feels when they loose a child -- it changes you in a way that you can NEVER recover from.

MaMom -- I get it now -- I understand why you were so sad -- and I understand why you were never the same after Dec 1976. Please keep an eye on Kaitlyn -- I know that you two would have gotten along great.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

My Child

This essay was sent to a email support group that I belong to -- the author has put into words what is in my heart better than I can.

I love you Kaitlyn -- and I am so sorry --

My Child By, Steven Waller

I love you and have always loved you. I have tried to show you by my words and actions this love, but realize I may have fallen short of this goal many times.

To the best of my ability, with the work of my body, the limits of my mind and the strength of my soul, I have tried to give you love, shelter and food. I have tried to give youas much of my time as possible in this hectic, hurried world.

I have tried to give you fun and laughter. I have tried to give you the safety and protection you have a right to and I have an obligation to give. I have tried to let you know about life's unpleasantries without scaring you too much.

I have tried to give you as much trust as possible in an apparently untrusting world.

In all my breaths, my true intention has never been to hurt you or bring you any unnecessary pain. I have tried to be to you the best parent I could with the tools given to me. I want you to know that for any times I have hurt you, disappointed you, or let you down, knowingly or unkowingly, I am sorry.

I am sorry for my shortcomings and the mistakes I made that caused you any pain. For this I ask your forgiveness, only when and if you are willing to give it.Thank you for the pleasures and treasures you have given me, both deserved and not.

There has never been anything you have done that has taken away my unconditional love for you. Always and now, in my eyes, heart and soul, you are to me the most beautiful bud, the lovliest bloom, and the most perfect flower.I have loved you from the day you were born...

I love you with every breath you have taken... I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER