Thursday, December 21, 2006

Merry Christmas Kaitlyn

Well here it is Christmas -- not sure how I am going to get through the next couple of days without you here. Kaitlyn I just miss you so much and I just want you back -- that is all I want for Christmas this year -- you think Santa can fit you in his sleigh. This feeling is almost as bad as the first day that I lost you -- it just doesn't seem like it is real -- that you are just going to come in the door --what up ?????? hey girlfriend !!!!! love yu mom -- just one more time I want to hear those words -- Kaitlyn -- I LOVE YOU BABY GIRL :)

Merry Christmas Kaitlyn -- you are missed and you are LOVED--

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Memorial for Kaitlyn

Jon and I would like to do something at the school that Kaitlyn attended as a memorial -- plant a Magnolia Tree. I keep second guessing my self -- will they want her memory to live on at the school -- is she worthy -- In MY mind she is BUT what about other people -- how will they feel -- how would I feel if it was not MY child -- I do know that Kaitlyn LOVED going to school at College Park -- (and that is saying a lot because she HATED school) -- and I know that she felt good about herself there -- the teachers and administration have my undieing gratitude for the way our family has been treated -- they were awesome. This is how ALL schools should be.

Maybe I am being paranoid and this is a non issue -- I just don't know what I will do if they tell me NO -- I don't think they will BUT what if they do -- I just know that I think her memory might save a life when people hear her story they may think twice about their choices and her memory will do something positive--

I am rambling today because my thoughts are ALL over the place -- I really want this to happen for her but at the same time I am scared of the possible outcome -- I will update more when I get the answer from the school.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Let me say her name

So many times lately I have noticed that uncomfortable look on people's faces when I say Kaitlyn name or talk about her. It makes me wonder -- Have I done that in the past? and if I did OMGosh I am so sorry.

Talking about Kaitlyn, remembering her quirks is all I have left of her. It is all I can do now. While everyone else is talking about what their kids are DOING all I can do is talk about what Kaitlyn has DONE. I have no future to talk about, only memories. So please let me talk about them without feeling like I am making you uncomfortable. Try to put yourself in my place, Kaitlyn is still my daughter and I still want -- no make that NEED to talk about her. She will always be a HUGE part of my life - she is on my mind each and every moment of the day.

So next time you tell a story about one of your kids -- take a moment and think --how would you feel if every time you mentioned your child's name someone tried to change the subject, had a uncomfortable look on their face or just stopped talking to you. What if most people that you come across each day would do this-- how would you feel???

This is my new normal -- it sucks