Tuesday, November 20, 2007

If only....................

IF ONLY has been driving me crazy lately --

If only...
we had paid more attention to the signs that Kaitlyn was using again -- maybe she would still be here

If only ....
I had not gone away that fateful weekend -- maybe I would have tested her sooner and she would still be here

If only....
we had never moved to Texas and stayed in Louisiana -- she may not have ever started using drugs in the first place and she would still be here

If only.....
she had not decided she needed to get high one more time -- she would still be here.

IF ONLY - I could go back to Aug 26, 2006 and know what I know now she would still be here

If only I could make my heart stop hurting so bad that sometimes I really feel like I will not be able to get through the day -- but I do because I have to.

If only Kaitlyn was here today getting ready to head to Louisana to spend time with family for Thanksgiving --

If only does not come around a lot thank goodness because when it does it drives me crazy --

We are beginning our second holiday season with out Kaitlyn and I wish I could say it is better this year but it is not because now we are expected to be better -- we have gone through the "first" of everythings but I think this one is harder for both Jon and I because we don't have the shock factor anymore -- it hits us smack in the face -- she is not here -- and we think IF ONLY...

We love you Kaitlyn

4 comments:

Teresa Loop said...

I'm so sorry. Just reading your post makes my heart hurt for you.

Mere said...

Darlin' ,
I have been keeping up with your story since the day Kaitlyn died, and praying for you.

~Mere

Darcey said...

{{{HUGS}}} I am so sorry for your loss. I hope time will give you peace.

dannigirl said...

cheri,
just got on your blog tonight {it's been a while}.
big hugs to you and jon. i am here for you girl. i know that doesn't take away the pain but just know that i love ya girl.
~danni
p.s. i hope the "if only" don't come back.