In 2 days it will be 18 months since we lost Kaitlyn -- this month she would have turned 18 years old -- why does it feel like the 18 years flew by and the 18 months have been forever????
This weekend I went away to a scrap retreat with a great group of friends (both old and new) -- these ladies are crazy scrappers that never sleep while we are there -- it just boggles my mind that they are able to do this and still function -- me I need my sleep :) anyway ........ one of my closest friends who has been with my through ALL of the ups and downs with Kaitlyn was there with me -- her daughter is the same age as Kaitlyn so she is in the middle of all the Senior Year craziness and fun -- We were looking at the sneak peek of L's senior pictures and man it felt like I had been kicked in the stomach -- not that I was not wanting to see the pictures but realizing that I will not have that with Kaitlyn -- I had to leave the room so that I would not break down in front of all the ladies --
There is a reason for the long post -- I want ya'll to realize that it is OK to talk to me about what is going on with your kids -- I WANT to hear about it -- but also realize that I may have to step away for a bit at times to catch my breath or break down and cry - but it is not because of something that was said -- it is because that it just how it is for me now -- the pain and sadness does not go away because I don't hear the stories -- it is with me always -- BUT I am sad to know that I am missing out on the happiness and fun time that ya'll are experiancing. So PLEASE talk to me -- tell me what is going on -- and know that it is OK for me to cry or laugh or just walk away if I have to -- as weird as it sounds I need to do these things because it confirms that my love for Kaitlyn is still as strong as it was the day she was born and the day that we lost her. As her mom I need to know that these feelings are still in my heart.
I was telling Jon about what happened this weekend and he remineded me that this is how we are able to continue to live our lives, have happiness and even joy when the most horrible thing in the world for a parent has happened -- we are able to FEEL our love for Kaitlyn and this release allows us to continue living when many times we just want to stay in home and not face the reality that is now our lives.
For us our tears are not tears of sadness -- they are tears filled with LOVE.
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My world changed on August 27, 2006. That is the day that my beautiful daughter Kaitlyn died at the age of 16. My new normal began that day......
4 comments:
Cheri,
I continue to say everyday that you are an amazing woman. I think we all know that some days are harder than others. But that is what friends, family and even strangers ar there for. Reading your previous blog and the comment made me cry. I don't think you realize how many people your family touches day. Just like we willnever realize the pain your family has faced. You are an amazing woman that helps people become stronger and stronger each day. We love you and know that there is always someone who will be there.
cheri,
i totally agree with alesha.you will never know the lives you have touched and that you touch daily.
if you only knew how much i didn't share with you because i never know what to say and what not to say. it is really hard.but nothing compared to what you and jon are going through. but, now that i know how you feel, i feel a lot better. we are all in this with you girl. you know this.
~d
Cheri,
I wish I could come and give you a big hug. I have a daughter who is a senior this year, who in Aug. will turn 18. I know that by hearing your story, I am better educated. I feel your pain and I know that you will always miss her. This is a wonderful thing, that you will always remember. She will never be forgotten.... Cherish every single memory. You will be reunited with her again- death is not the end. I support you and hope you realize how wonderful you are. I admire you greatly. Going to Washington will only help others more. You are a light!!!!!
teresa
it's me again.
hate to tag you on this entry...
but, you've been tagged.
~danni
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